Dealing with Emotions: How to Keep Your Cool

Ever felt like tossing your computer after a bad email from your boss? Or watched stress spike because a colleague missed deadlines again? That’s where working on your emotions comes in—so you can keep your cool and your well-being.

Why Do We Lose Our Cool?

To understand why we react so strongly—and how to manage it—picture your brain as a stage with three key actors:

Reptilian system: Your survival instinct, ready to fight or flee at any perceived threat, like a provoking colleague. Reactive but rarely rational.
Limbic system: The emotion center, triggering the reptilian system when it senses danger—say, a curt email taken as a personal attack.
Neocortex: The rational decision-maker, which often retreats when the other two are in panic mode, letting emotions run the show.

To take back control and calm these explosive reactions, here are four powerful strategies for dealing with your emotions.

1. Physical Activity: Release the Pressure!

You’ve probably heard the advice to “take a walk” after an argument. This isn’t a cliché—it’s a scientific truth. As Jacques Fradin, French physician and specialist in behavior and cognition, emphasizes, physical activity calms the reptilian system by channeling accumulated energy into something other than anger.

Your boss criticizes you in public: heat rises, and heart races.
Instead of snapping, step away, walk, take the stairs, get some air. Moving helps burn off stress and lets your brain regain control, so you come back calmer.

2. Reprogram Your Mind with Breathing: Guaranteed Calm

Breathing is not just a trick for yogis in leggings. It’s an incredibly effective way to restore balance between your emotional brain, the famous limbic system, and your rational brain, the neocortex. When negative emotions take over, our mind magnifies every irritation. Suddenly, one simple email makes you want to smash everything.

By focusing on your breathing, you step back from your thoughts and feelings instead of reacting instantly. This creates space between you and the inner storm. Rather than charging into confrontation, you breathe, acknowledge what’s happening, and… let it go.

You’ve spent hours preparing an important presentation, and in the meeting, a colleague takes all the credit ? Frustration flares.
Instead of snapping, pause. Inhale deeply, exhale slowly. This tells your brain, “Calm down, everything is fine.”

It’s like a quick Heart Math session—synchronizing breath and heartbeat to relax you in minutes. If you prefer the zen route, think meditation or yoga, turning breathing into a powerful anti-stress tool. Suddenly—miracle—you respond with the composure of a master yogi, untouched by the emotional storm. Namaste!

3. Coping Theory to Change Perspective

According to Richard Lazarus, the American psychologist who originated Coping Theory, it’s not events themselves that trigger our emotions, but our interpretation of them. Your boss’s critique can be seen as a personal attack (making you angry) or as an opportunity to improve (which can be motivating).

To practice this kind of reappraisal, start by identifying your automatic thoughts when strong emotions arise. Ask yourself what triggered this reaction and whether your interpretation is truly objective. Then, look for another way to view the situation, one that is more nuanced or constructive.

For example, if your manager sends a terse, “URGENT” email, you might think: “They think I’m incompetent!”
But stepping back, you realize they are probably stressed by a deadline. With this perspective, you respond calmly, without letting anger or stress take over.

4. The Power of the Polyvagal System: Activate Your Natural “Brake”

Another way to work on your emotions is through Stephen Porges’ polyvagal theory. This method gives us a gem for staying calm even amid emotional storms. Think of the vagus nerve as a natural “brake” that soothes stress and anger, preventing emotional crashes.

When you’re stressed or angry, this nerve calms your nervous system—like an invisible co-pilot whispering, “Relax, it’s okay.” You can trigger it by breathing deeply, singing your favorite song (even off-key in the shower), or chatting with a friend.

After a chaotic day, on edge and ready to snap
Pause, breathe, and hum a tune. The vagus nerve kicks in, stress drops, and you can face the evening calmly—without turning your living room into a battlefield.

take back control

Work life is full of emotional challenges, but you don’t have to let them control you. By understanding your brain and using tools like movement, breathing, reframing, and vagus nerve activation, you can protect both your calm and your well-being.

When frustration rises, pause. Breathe. Walk. Rethink. You’ll avoid self-sabotage and handle turbulence with clarity and poise—because ending the day at peace beats stewing in conflict every time.