The Art of Negotiation: My Best Lesson… From a Little Girl
Negotiation? For me, it used to be a nightmare… until a ten-year-old girl gave me a masterclass without even knowing it.
You’ve probably heard people rave about the art of negotiation. But let’s be honest: who actually masters it? Personally, I had no clue how to go about it, and I dreaded every moment I had to defend my own interests. Every time, I felt like I was begging, asking for too much, bothering people. As if requesting anything at all was already some kind of abuse. I’d been well-trained: “be polite, say thank you, be content with what you’re given.”
The result? I was the queen of yeses-too-quick, and I regularly walked away with that bitter taste in my mouth: the taste of the pushover who knew she could have asked for more.
Why We Hate Negotiating (Even Though It’s Vital)
Let’s be honest: the reason we struggle to ask for things isn’t shyness, it’s conditioning. We’ve been taught that asking is being spoiled. That negotiating is “making people uncomfortable.” Translation: shut up and try harder.
When in fact, negotiation is nothing more than a pre-transaction exchange, not a guilty confession. And above all, those who stay silent always end up getting fleeced without anesthesia.
“When You Want a Hamster, Ask for a Pony”
One day, I heard the story of a little girl and her strategy for birthday presents. She wanted a hamster, but her parents weren’t thrilled.
So, cool as you like, she played big: “I asked for a pony.”
Obviously, she knew her parents were never going to set up a thoroughbred in the backyard. But while they were wiping the sweat off their brows, she calmly stepped back, and suddenly the hamster became the reasonable option. Deal signed!
At first, I burst out laughing. Then I realized: this kid had just given me a real masterclass in negotiation.
The Art of Setting an Anchor Without Flinching
The first proposal made influences the entire discussion. Psychologists call this “anchoring.” Even if it’s outrageous, it sets the starting point. In short, whoever opens the dance floor has already won half the dance.
Moral of the story: if you only ask for exactly what you want, you’ll never get more than… exactly what you want. If that. Better to aim higher, so you can gracefully step down instead of scraping for crumbs.
My “Hamster-Pony” Method at Work
- Ask above your real target. If I want 50, I say 55. Because the “hamster” becomes much easier to land once you’ve mentioned the “pony.”
- Give arguments. This request is not a whim: I bring numbers, results, and market benchmarks. My work has value, and I demonstrate it.
- Bring backup options. If salary is blocked, fine: I mention bonuses, training, extra remote days, etc.
- Please hold on to silence. Nothing makes you want to cave more than ten seconds of dead air in a meeting. Now, I breathe and let the other person wrestle with their void.
The First Time I Tried It
At the time, my salary was scraping the floor, and I was determined to change that. I walked into the interview, named a number way above my target, and immediately my inner demon screamed: “Quick, backtrack! Offer less before they kick you out of the process!”
To make matters worse, the firm later asked for my old payslips, exposing the huge gap between my past salary and the figure I’d announced… I clenched my teeth and let the awkward silence pass. And then: jackpot. They told me they couldn’t meet my number… but they could go beyond what I had aimed for.
Result: I got my hamster, the wheel, and a bag of seeds as a bonus!
The Hidden Bonus of Negotiation: Respect
What I realized is that negotiation isn’t just about money. It’s also a signal: you’re showing that you know your worth. And strangely enough, the more confidently you ask, the more respect you get.
In the end, the true bonus isn’t only the paycheck—it’s the recognition you earn along with it. And trust me, that’s worth far more than a pony!
If you’d like to go even further and avoid the classic traps of salary negotiation during hiring, check out this article: Salary Negotiation at Hiring: Avoid the Pitfalls.
